Fall down seven, get up eight.
If you follow us on Twitter, you’ll see that once or twice I’ve tweeted about my own anxieties.
To get the upper hand on my anxiety I work very hard at the gym flipping between Cardio and Weight related work outs to help balance out my moods. I work with a personal trainer and I’ve been working with him for over six months now.
Together he has helped me build into a small routine, but also to have accountability to myself, and to him. Unfortunately, I found myself hitting a hump a few weeks back, and my accountability to both of us failed. In turn, I broke down. At the gym.
I can not tell you how mortifying this experience was for me in so many ways. Firstly, I should mention, my trainer has seen me break down multiple times. This is nothing new. I’m not sure how often he actually see’s this happen, but I am a basket case and he knew this right from the start.
But other people in the gym, and other trainers, were around, and there I was balling and heaving and trying so very hard to get on top of my breath, get over the moment, move past it and keep working out.
After all of it happened, still being mortified, I asked myself – “what the hell set me off?” Obviously it was a combination of things, mounting to the moment when I broke down, but there had to be something else that had been grating on me to get me to the point of a full on anxiety attack in a middle of a crowded gym.
It came back to the concept of accountability. I had stopped holding myself accountable for my failures of not making it to the gym when I needed to go, and I was letting my trainer down because he knew I could do more.
It had become my Everest. I wasn’t willing to push myself to train anymore, even though I knew I could do more, and he knew it too. I was making excuses, and I wasn’t trying. I was dropping down to base camp after making it 1/3 of the way up the mountain properly, and that falling down was causing my anxiety.
The session started off normal enough, but my trainer was asking me about my work outs on the weekend, which didn’t happen and I gave excuses for, and he snapped. He told me that I was letting myself off easy. I wasn’t putting in effort.
This gutted me. Not only was I failing my trainer, but I was failing myself. I wasn’t working toward climbing, instead I was working my way back to Base Camp.
This is what broke me, the disappointment and anger I felt in myself for letting myself down. The next thing I knew I was hunched in on myself, hands to my face, sobbing.
I’m lucky that I do have a really understanding Personal Trainer, who has evidently, seen me at my worst. He’s also pushed me to get better, stronger, and to reach my Everest.
So even though that moment might have been one of the hardest, and most embarrassing, it was also the best. Why?
Because you can’t reach Everest without first pushing past base camp. Like the age old adage, fall down seven times, get up eight.
Keep pushing forward, you will reach your goals.
Anonymously Yours Unwrapped.